Couples Therapist Shares Therapy Secrets To Help You Save Your Relationship

May 16, 2023 | 


Joanna Newman



Every relationship has its ups and downs, ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys. Yet, many couples, as the years pass, find themselves in a seemingly irreversible rut, their relationship turning monotonous and seemingly lifeless. Why does this happen? And more importantly, how can couples reinvigorate their bond and keep the spark alive? As a seasoned couples therapist, I have had the opportunity to guide numerous partners through their struggles, helping them foster connection, intimacy, and renewed passion. Here are some of the fundamental principles that can help you rejuvenate and save your relationship.

Understand the ´Relationship Boredom´ Phenomenon

Over time, relationships can become routine, leading to what many refer to as ´relationship boredom.´ This is a common phenomenon and is primarily due to habituation. When we are first in a relationship, everything is new and exciting. With time, however, we grow accustomed to our partner´s behaviors, attitudes, and even their idiosyncrasies, making the relationship feel predictable and, consequently, boring. 

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. Often, couples begin to withhold their feelings, thoughts, and desires, either for fear of conflict or to avoid hurting their partner. This can lead to a gradual emotional disconnect. Regularly sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner strengthens your emotional bond and helps both partners to understand each other better. It´s vital to remember that it´s not just about speaking your mind, but also about active listening and understanding your partner´s perspective. 

Keep the Emotional Bank Account Full

Consider your relationship as an emotional bank account. Positive interactions, such as expressing love, appreciation, and gratitude, are deposits, whereas negative interactions like arguments, criticism, and neglect are withdrawals. A healthy relationship is one where the balance remains positive. Regularly express your love and appreciation for your partner. Small gestures like leaving a sweet note, giving a warm hug, or simply saying ´I love you´ can significantly contribute to your emotional savings. 

Prioritize Quality Time

As relationships progress, couples often stop spending quality time together. Work commitments, family responsibilities, and social obligations can start to overshadow your couple´s time. Prioritizing quality time together is essential to keep the spark alive. It doesn´t have to be extravagant date nights; simple activities like cooking together, watching a movie, or going for a walk can help you reconnect. 

Introduce Novelty and Adventure

One of the best ways to combat relationship boredom is by introducing novelty and adventure into your relationship. Trying new experiences together can create shared memories, foster deeper connections, and reignite the spark that might have dimmed over time. This could be as simple as trying a new type of cuisine, taking up a shared hobby, or as exciting as traveling to a new place together.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

Finally, do not shy away from seeking professional help if needed. Couples therapy is not a sign of a failed relationship; instead, it´s a proactive step toward healing and growth. A therapist can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and guide you through effective strategies to improve your relationship.


The essence of a thriving, long-term relationship lies in continuous growth, mutual understanding, and shared experiences. While every relationship has its unique challenges, understanding and implementing these key principles can help rekindle the flame and keep the spark alive. Remember, a fulfilling and successful relationship is not a destination, but a journey of ongoing effort, commitment, and love.